Friday, February 5, 2010

When is it ok????

When is it ok to start missing my hubby?!?!? Grant it, I've missed him since the day he left, but being that I've only been in this deployment (him being overseas) for a little over a week now I feel as if some may think it's too early to blog about how much I miss my hubby! Some of you that know me, know that sometimes I keep my emotions & feelings bottled up inside, but this life of being an Army wife all alone is making me want to express myself. I feel right now that blogging is my therapy. Living the military life has it's hardships. I've only been married to my soldier for a year now, & he's been apart of the Army Reserves for 2 years, but with that you do get your share of difficulties & time being apart. Sometimes, I feel guilty for the way I feel about this deployment (never does it mean I don't support my hubby) & how it makes me frustrated. I know this part may pass soon, but it's the initial process of getting used to your hubby being gone & not being able to communicate with him as much as if he were home with me. I hate the days where I don't hear from him at all & have no clue what he is doing or where he is at. I'm not trying to make this post about complaining & poor pitiful me. I'm trying to express myself & the way I feel in order to cope with this journey in my life right now. One other military wife once told me that the first month or so of a deployment seems like a death. In some ways I find that true. Your not able to pick up the phone to call or text him anytime you want, never knowing when you'll hear from him again, seeing his clothes hanging in the closet, but never touched, his side of the bed is always empty, not being at home when I get off of work, his smell being faded from where it once was, not being able to share funny things when they happen & laughing together, all of the holidays I will be spending alone, the longing in your heart to see or touch him, but you can't.

I'm sure as time goes on things will get better & I am desparately hoping for that! Now, don't think I spend all of my days an emotional basket case crying my eyes out & not being able to go about my everday life. Because, I've been able to do that just fine.
And don't think that I'm not going to make it because I am. It's just one of those days that deployment emotions are taking over.

It is hard being here without him, but despite all of the negative emotions & dislikes of a deployment...I will ALWAYS be proud of him, stand by him, & support him 100% to the very end. That is my honor & duty as an Army wife. I just miss him!!!!

I love my soldier!!!

1 comment:

April's Flowers said...

Girl - you get your vent on! That's basically what my blog is about these days! haha :)