Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Looking Back

Looking back, I can't believe I actually made it through a year long deployment. But, I did:) Never in a million years would I have seen this becoming a chapter in my life. I being a newly Reservist's wife, had no clue what to expect or how to deal with anything to this extreme. I felt alone, overwhelmed, & broken hearted. I will never forget the day I found out that my husband would have to be deployed. He had just gotten back from his annual summer training in California & I had come in from work the following day & noticed his unusual manner & had a feeling something was up, but never imagined hearing the deployment word come out of his mouth. But, it did & we dealt with our emotions of the moment & moved on enjoying the next 6 months of our lives together, grasping every moment with value. One of the hardest days of my life was having to say goodbye to my husband knowing where he was headed. The first month came & went pretty fast being he was held in Washington state & I was able to take a visit. The second month again went by pretty easily & fast because hubby had just gotten over there & everything was still new. That month I really began to understand "cherishing the moments" as I looked forward to every phone call & hung on to every word I was hearing on the other line!!! Come month 3 & 4 you establish a routine & you start keeping yourself extra busy, but you can feel the time apart weighing on your shoulders a bit & tugging at your heart. Next is month 5 & you're so excited because you can begin to talk & plan out R&R. You get so anxious & start planning for the perfect outfit to wear & where to go or what to do to spend that quality time together. Month 6 rolls in & we're weeks away from his visit home. He makes it home & to see him walk from that plane into your arms after 100 & something days makes your heart skip a beat & melt at the same time. Those 2 weeks become the most amazing weeks of your life because you are back with the one you love & you feel whole again. But, after the 2 weeks are up you know you have to send him back over & it tears your heart into. It's hard, but you have to hold onto knowing you are on the downhill of the deployment & you just have to push through until you have him finally coming home for good. After R&R my emotions really seemed to hit me full blast. I got tired, I got angry, & I became sad. But, I had to suck it up & move on. Thankfully, I got back into my routine & other than having a few down days I made it through the next 6 months. Month 10 I became really excited knowing it would be just 2 months until he would be home...but then the changing of the homecoming date changed so many times I can't keep up. But, it finally was finalized & my hubby came home to me safe & sound. Looking back, it seems that it went by really fast. In it, it went faster than I thought it would, but it had it's moments when it seemed it would never end. I am so happy it did end & we made it through. It's still hard to believe at moments that I went through it & made it!!! I am a dependent person who had to become independent; I had to become strong; learn to control my emotions, but at the same time learn to let them out when need be; I had to learn to show all my love to my husband through phone calls, letters, pictures, skype dates, & facebook chats; I had to learn I would be going from knowing everything about my husband & his everyday life to only knowing certain things; I had to learn to have faith & use it every single day; I had to learn how to deal with "other's" crazy questions or simple concern but unnecessary comments about this deployment; I learned how to be overly proud of my husband & his service & become thankful to all military men/women & families; - it was a lot to learn, but I'm glad I was able to have this year to learn these lessons. I love my husband so much more & we have become stronger through this. I am & will be forever grateful to have him home safely. And looking back - I'm glad I have this experience to look back on!


ancient one said...

Jess I love you and am so proud of you and Matt. GOD has been so good to us!

Beka said...

Hooaahhh to that!!!! Very well said!! I'm so glad he's home safe and you took this whole experience as a learning and growing experience! That's the best way to handle it! Good for you!! <3